- Posted by drodriguez
- On April 25, 2019
Learning to Integrate So You Can Elevate
Your healing would know nothing without your darkness. Honor it all.
I have been really hard on myself lately. I’ve been beating on myself for feeling so wobbly and so sad, as if not-feeling-great was a symptom of failure somehow.
I’ll think: You’re not allowed to feel this way. You’re dramatic and ungrateful.
My mind has been scrambling to analyze, and thereby control, my way into growth and transformation. By trying to “understand” my way into healing, I’ve found myself invalidating my heart and resisting surrender.
I’ll think: You literally have no reason to feel this way. Stop it already. I’m tired of you being mopey.
I can’t help but to notice how quick my mind is to dismiss and judge my emotions. I make the melancholy mean something about me – you’re too much, you’re dramatic, you’re ungrateful and not enough….
Somewhere along the way, I made my heart space into unsafe space and now I struggle to be there, sitting with my heart in true communion and love. Next level healing, then, means taking my heart back by sitting with her and listening to her weep and as I curl around her with compassion and acceptance. It’s time to put down the beat up stick, my pain is worthy of love. So is yours, lovely one.
Life is not without pain. You get to turn toward our pain. Now is the time to look deeper within and access compassion for yourself, for the parts of you that have deeply suffered. In this way, you are re-making things. You are re-balancing your life. Where do you need love?
Life resides here, where harm and healing meet. You are here to be yourself. Just like the buds of Spring are bursting open and the flowers are surging through dark soil, you are here to be life.
And life is not without pain, sweet one. Healing and ascension aren’t about only feeling good things. No. It’s about feeling. Full stop. And loving yourself generously regardless of whether you’re in Light…or Shadow.
You are not wrong, you are not failing because you still feel the old aches and pains, beloved. These dark feelings aren’t meant to be numbed or escaped, they’re meant to be felt. Ask your heart and these risen emotions what they’re trying to share with you. And then listen.
Be gentle with yourself. Take special care to honor and bring love to your own self and to care for your vulnerability when you are here, when you arrive in the dark. You are being invited to love yourself more, not less, when the pain arises, sweet one.
Your heart is so much wiser than you allow it to be.